Have I been humbled enough?

I think nothing humbles you so much as when you forget to pray before lunch - and it's your SON who reminds you. (Especially when he doesn't even speak much English). I want to be a good parent - and honor God in the way I bring up Emmett. I want Emmett to know God in a deep and meaningful way.

It's so much more than going to church on Sundays (although that helps). Am I ready to hear what God has to say? Or am I participating in a ritual, simply a tradition which makes me feel better. And why does it make us feel better to attend church? Should it make us feel better? Now, don't get me wrong. God's word provides comfort, hope, peace and joy. But if we're not convicted by the Word - if we can safely and confidently say that we are living in a manner worthy and pleasing to God. Then we're missing something. Only one person has ever lived in a manner completely and totally pleasing to God - and He died to provide us the opportunity to be reconciled with God.

I've been spending some time in Colossians (along with the rest of church) and although we've moved on to Chapter 4 already - I continue to be stuck in Chapter 1. Particularly v. 9-14. There is so much PACKED into those verses. I won't write that whole section out here for you - but instead pray that if interested, you'll go hunting it up for yourself. In v9 and 10, Paul prays that we might be filled with knowledge of His will (His being God's). And he prays this in order that we might live a life worthy of the Lord.

Oh but to live a life worthy of the Lord. Luckily, Paul tells us a bit of what that should look like in the rest of Colossians. But I can not help but be convicted. Do I live a life worthy of the Lord? It is a question that has haunted me daily, and has become my morning question. Will I live worthy of the Lord today? It's a choice we make - and there is joy in fulfilling it. Oh - don't go thinking I'm a saint (not that many of you were - I flatter myself - don't I?) There are many more times where I fail most miserably. And in those times - I rest in the grace of forgiveness and mercy which has been bought for me. Without those powerful promises set out for those who trust in Christ - I would be utterly lost.

You probably thought with a title like the above you would find some funny little tale of me being humbled by my son. Instead you've gotten a window into my heart and mind - scary stuff huh? I am humbled when I see Emmett's little 'prayer face' and hope that I can use that much energy in presenting my prayers to God.
I am humbled when I look at my life and see how far it is from being worthy of the Lord. But I am not nearly humbled enough.

Continue to humble me, God - I want to live a life worthy.

Maybe I should think twice...

Before I go hosting another birthday party! A 911 call & ambulance, a sick dog, and a generally adrenaline drained family later, we survived! Oh, everyone is ok - the 911 call was for a possible allergic reaction which turned out to be a horrible case of stomach cramping. (I swear I didn't cook anything which caused stomach cramps!) The sick dog decided that if he was going to spend the time behind a child gate with no one paying attention to him, that he'd just throw up for the fun of it. (UGH) And who wouldn't be drained after calling 911 for a family member?!?

I decided that after this year's round of birthday parties (of which we have at least two more ), I'm swearing off hosting kids parties at MY HOUSE. Next year we'll do it at an apple orchard or even heck, Chucky Cheese. Just please, not my house!!

Despite all the debacles of the evening - Emmett enjoyed his family, his presents, and his cake (Spiderman Coldstone cake - who wouldn't LOVE that??). It warms my heart to see him hug my brother and sister-in-law. And to blow kisses at my niece. Last night within 5 mins of being in bed, he was out cold. No wonder with no nap and a house full of people and NEW TOYS! This morning, when I woke him up for church he rolled (literally, this is how he enjoys getting out of bed) onto the floor and took one look at his new train set. He said in a whisper "Omma - CheeChee!!" which is the Korean form of "ChooChoo". Forget breakfast and the potty - just let me play with the train woman! Needless to say - we were late to church.

I know that I have mentioned before that Emmett has this wonderful (but odd to me and Craig) habit of putting things away. Craig and I are not neat freaks - our former roommates can attest. If ever there was a child who liked "a place for everything and everything in it's place" it would be Emmett. As I prepared my house for his party - I was cleaning and straightening. I seriously thought I was going insane. I was positive I had put my glasses case on the counter by the back door. But it kept showing up on the buffet cabinet where it has been for the last few months. I eventually caught on that Emmett, having seen the glasses case on the buffet cabinet for the last month, assumed that must be where the case goes. So when he found it out of place, he put it back! No wonder it was taking me so long to clean.

So I've learned my lesson. I'll survive through these two more parties, and then we'll call it quits on hosting birthday parties at our house. I think it's a good idea for everyone's sake.

Emmett's Three!

Wednesday was Emmett's birthday. We went to a Korean restaurant in town here, and had cupcakes and cookies back home. Pretty low-key celebration just the 3 of us. He has big birthday parties planned for the next two weekends.

This week has been an odd sort of week. Despite Emmett's adaptablity, it is still clear to me that attachment is still a process. Some days, for no clear reason Emmett will just dissolve into tears. I hold him, and sing a few songs which normally cheer him up, but mostly he just wants me to hold him. Naptime is a family affair now - minus Craig. I lay in his bed with him while he falls asleep. I used to be able to get up after he was out and do a load of laundry or finish cleaning up the kitchen, but lately, if I'm not there when he wakes up - it's more tears. So I've resigned myself to leaving the kitchen a mess and the laundry piling up. It's a tough call these decisions. I obviously won't be able to stay with him through his nap at daycare. And I won't be there if he needs a hug. I'm sure these are feelings any parent has when they prepare to leave their child in someone else's care during the day.

I can only pray that God will be Emmett's comforter when I (or Craig) aren't there. I hope that Emmett knows we love him and we're here to stay. But I can't blame him for being a little skeptical of that. He's heard it all before - albeit in a different language.

Speaking of language - Emmett has mastered "bless you" after everyone (including Moby) sneezes. He also has switched from ah nee oh to "no". I actually prefered ah nee oh! =)

Well, he's up. Which means I'm on for Omma-duty!

I Never Expected

Yesterday I laid on the floor with Moby. He slept while Emmett slept for his nap. I rarely get a chance to stop and gaze and my sleeping giant of a dog. So I took the time to really enjoy the peacefullness of his huge sandy colored body resting.

A little over 5 years ago this lab came home with us from Iowa. He slept on the back dashboard of the car. He cried when we left the farm he was born on and broke both of our hearts. He was so cute, we picked him out of two males in the litter. He had blue eyes, being half chocolate and half yellow. He was the playful one. I remember wishing I'd chosen the shy one once we arrived home and realized what a new puppy was like. He was a bundle of energy. Barely containable and all paws. "Huge paws" the vet, Dr Scott, said "He'll be big". And he wasn't lying!

Moby grew all legs at first, then came the chest and finally the head. He has a huge head. His blue eyes eventually went to a soft brown, matching his sandy fur. His full size is now 105 lbs. He stands with his head at about my hip, and if he jumps up on two paws, he's easily at my shoulders.

Despite the high energy that young labs have, Moby was relatively laid back. Not that anyone ever believed us about that. He was all normal happy excited lab whenever someone came to visit. Dr Scott calls him Wild Man. But he'd settle down nicely at home at least. We started using baby gates to keep him out of a room or away from non-dog-loving folks. Because of his size we used to really clamp the gates down. Until one day I just set it up for the moment, and Moby stayed. To this day, he will not cross, jump, or push down a baby gate. Just set them against the door frame, and he'll stay.

Yesterday as I watched my beast sleep at the foot of my son's bed, I saw all the white fur that has come into his face. It started just under his eyes. Now, it's all around his eyes and down most of his snout. He gets anxious if we leave him at someone's house now. He's so attached to us, I don't think he likes the idea of us being gone and him not being at home. He takes more naps, is slower to get up, and is generally aging as you would expect. The thing is, I never expected he would age a bit.

His 5 year vet appointment is this morning. You'd think he would hate the vet, but not Moby! He loves everyone even if they've stitched his eye lids, cut off his boy-dogginess and poked him a million times. He can't wait to go to the vet. The very mention of Dr Scott and the dog is excited. That's probably because all the vet-techs adore him. This time though, Moby has some lumps on his belly, and a broken tooth we need to talk about. And the constant ear infections are getting worse, and more difficult to treat. He's slowing down in general and I'm worried he's getting stiff. He still jumps up on our high bed, but I know it's getting harder for him. His puppy frenzies are fewer and farther between and mostly he wants to cuddle with us. I have to face it, he's getting older.

5 years isn't that old, I realize. But for a dog his size we won't have the long years I had with my childhood dog. As I watched him slip into a dream about something, all twitching and snarling - running while laying, I prayed for a long time yet to come with my beast. I won't miss the fur all over the house or the butter being eaten off the kitchen counter, nor will Craig miss the dog mines in the back yard. But we'll painfully miss the dog on our feet, the walk-by kisses, and the excited dashes to the door for a walk. Plus, I'll horribly miss the moments like yesterday, that I can lay down in front of him and watch him sleep - my arm around his big neck. Contented that he has us, and we have him, and the world is right. At least our little corner of it.

Just thougthts...

A friend just announced she's pregnant with twins. I honestly can't imagine having twins. I remember throughout the adoption process, people saying "Well, now that you've decided to adopt, you'll get pregnant". I remember being so paranoid of that very thing.

You see, Emmett was real to me long before I knew who he was. There was a piece of my heart tied to something invisible in Korea. I think that many people who don't experience adoption don't understand the strong connection pre-adoptive parents feel toward their future children. Even before seeing a picture, or being matched. Once you committ your heart to an unknown child, at least my experience is, that you're signed and sealed to that child, whomever they may be.

Maybe it is similar for my friend who is going to have twins. I wonder if the minute that little plus sign shows up on the test, if that is the moment which signs and seals your heart to the child within.

It amazes me at how God ties us together with such strong bonds, whether concieved in the heart or concieved in the womb.

Another thought occured to me as I try to write the text for Emmett's announcement. In adoptive circles who'll hear the term "Gotcha Day" - which refers to the day in which your child was placed in your care. I mentioned this in passing to my sister-in-law, K, who actually expressed my same feelings on this term.

Gotcha Day seems so inadequate a label for a day packed with such emotions. I can't come up with a better substitute, but would love it if someone else did. Suggestions welcome!

Ok - no more procrastinating! I have to get this text worked out! Ah - tomorrow is tumbling for Emmett - a good day is any day where he gets so flat out exhausted that he can barely stay awake for the 10 min drive home! Yippee!

Where does the time go?

Three weeks ago, I was just home from the trip of a lifetime. Holding the hand of my biggest and most verbal souvenir ever! I remember that first Friday. Thinking "oh my gosh, what have I done?"

Three weeks later, Emmett understands most of what I ask him to do - especially the regular phrases like "Take your shoes off" and such. He clearly says "All done" putting his hands out to his side which is more of an "I don't know" sign, but hey - I understand it! The funny thing about "all done" is that, in typical toddler fashion, he thinks the phrase is license to be freed of the situation. So "all done" means - I'm finished with these peas, and don't plan to eat anymore. Or I don't care if I'm supposed to have 'table time' for another 10 mins, I'm all done! He's learning that all done is really Mom and Dad's decision.

Now wait - before I'm thrown onto the burning pyre of strict parents. I'm not forcing peas down his throat or leaving him to sit at the table for hours at a time! However, I am trying to get him to eat veggies which are not his favorite. And table time is 20 mins sitting at the table with puzzles, books, coloring to do. It is a way to increase his attention span and prepare him for preschool/day care where he'll need to do the activity for as long as they want him to.

Words like "please" and "thank you" have a distinct Korean flare to them when Emmett says them. Please = peasda and thank you is kank ohah. Our most favorite game now is when I attempt to say choo-choo train in Korean and he laughs at my attempt. Shaking his head saying "no" as if conveying "you're nuts, mom!". Yesterday he was singing the Korean word for choo-choo train and then adding blah blah blah at the end. It must be what it sounds like when I try to say it!

We've received the first set of immigration paperwork yesterday, and it dawned on me, that although Emmett is now my son - he is not yet an American. I know that probably seems odd to everyone else, but he's become so much of our family, that I'd forgotten. The USA is gaining quite a little kid in this. And he's my son.