Unbelievable

Five years ago, in a country thousands of miles away, a very brave woman was giving birth to a precious little boy. Did she have an epidural? Did she go all-natural? Was it a long labor or short? All questions I will most likely never have the answer to. But five years ago, this unknown woman and I became connected. Although neither of us knew it at the time, we would share the title of Omma to the same little boy.

Yesterday, I turned on the Korean lantern for First Omma. I have tried to remember to light it her honor on the day she relinquished Emmett, on his birthday, and on our finalization day. Emmett doesn't understand why I turn the lantern on these days, and he hasn't really asked. To me, it is my beacon to First Omma - maybe somehow she can feel it's light and know that her little boy is safe, and happy, and growing to be such a big boy.

Yesterday while I sloshed around in the knee deep warm water of the local aquatic center for Emmett's fifth birthday, I thought of her. I wondered if she thought of him that day. I said a silent prayer for her as Emmett got up the courage to go down the big water slide. "I wish you could see him now, First Omma. Lord, tell her he's happy, give her peace."

It is unbelievable that Emmett is now five years old. He's been with us two years already. Last night, after he fell asleep in bed after his exciting day, I looked into his room. There was the black hair sticking up against the pillow, a foot positioned in what would be a most uncomfortable place for most adults, and his arm holding the stuffed soccer ball that held his balloons to the ground. A flash of a memory from our first meeting - of this little toddler bowing to his new American parents played in my mind. He's already so different, I wished time would stop just briefly so I could capture the moment for a second more. But it doesn't, and more memories are left to be made as he sighed and rolled over. Dreaming of another day ahead.

Happy Birthday, little man.

12 Strings

Only my cousin Chris will understand the joy of a low-action guitar. A 12 string low-action guitar! For which I traded my insanely high-action, couldn't stay in tune with itself, 6 string guitar.

My fingers hurt from playing it pretty much non-stop since 6pm. I don't know why, but I'm a better guitarist on 12 strings. Maybe it's because you've got 6 more chances to hit the right string. Or possibily it's the fuller sound, but I love it. I actually hugged it. I learned on 12 strings, and now I'm back to my roots. (as if I've grown all that much - I think I know about 20 chords in total!)

I think I'll play some more. ;)

Chicago Air & Water Show

In all my 31 years as a suburbanite, I had never attended Chicago's Air & Water show. Go figure one of the coolest free events in the midwest, and I'd never been. I love Chicago - except when I don't. I'm not a fan of crowds, nor a fan of constant honking. But oh - the buildings, the lake, Navy Pier, the El - it's all just so Chicago.

We decided since Emmett loves all things transportation that we'd take the train downtown and hoof it to a good enough spot to watch the show. We weren't about to try and walk from the train station to North Ave beach where most everyone would be watching it, we hoped to find a good spot without a huge hike.

Well, we got a huge hike, AND a good spot. Ohio St beach was just as perfect a spot to watch the show as any. Emmett complained about how loud the planes were, even when I'd warn him "Cover your ears, it will be loud", he'd still get wide eyed at the sound. His favorite? The Stealth Bomber, cause it was quiet. =)

I loved watching the planes fly around and do vertical tricks I didn't think planes could do. The seemed so close! And the Stealth Bomber seriously looks like an alien ship. We had a really nice time spending the day watching the show and just being downtown. Emmett's favorite moment of the trip? No, not the planes, nor the train ride, but lunch at Bubba Gumps! "It was the best lunch ever!" He said. Popcorn shrimp in a ship-shaped plate, what could be better?

By the time we arrived home, we were all tired (some of us a bit burnt). By 9pm, we were all in bed. It's about all us suburbanites can handle - one whole day downtown. (yawn) I need another nap!

Construction and Discontentment

I've been spending an exorbitant amount of time in traffic, mostly caused by the insane idea that all highways in the greater Chicago area must be under construction simultaneously. Being the avid NPR devotee that I am, my Morning Addition and 848 keep me company and at least keep my mind from numbing itself into oblivion. But there are those moments...

I'm sure you get them too - you wonder why so much of your time is spent in a tin can attempting to get to a job you're not all that fond of so it can keep you much later than it should. I day dream of jobs I'd love to have. Things I'd like to do, places to go. Eventually in my minds ramblings, I realize I'm just really discontent.

It's understandable to be discontent, I won't wallow it in, but I'm cutting myself some slack. We have our share of difficulties, one income household and all. But really - what is it that I don't have, that I really require?

Shelter? check
Food? check (probably could do with a little less)
Job? check
Love? check
Family? check
God in my life? check
snoring dog? check

I am blessed, even if I sometimes don't think I am. Even though the job I wanted disappeared before they even got my resume, I'm blessed... I have a job. Despite my impatience with Craig's job hunt, I'm blessed... I have a husband to love and who loves me. Yes, the back door is just about off it's hinges, and the roof is one good storm from falling apart, but I am blessed, I have a house which does keep me dry and safe. So take a moment and take stock with me. Take a record, an accounting, of the ways you have what you really need. And don't pay attention to the Mazda RX8 which just flew by you in the express lane. His gas milage stinks anyway.

By the way - Please stop growing up!

Lately, I've been faced with a dilemma. Like every parent, you hope that your child will grow up and become a good person, someone who can care and love and be happy. But do they have to do it NOW? Less than two years ago, I brought home a toddler, a little guy who was still trying to figure out how to jump on one foot (something he practiced constantly!). In that short time, I've seen him go from toddler to little boy (oh, sorry, Emmett - you're such a BIG boy).

In the past month, he has lost his first tooth, and yes, the tooth fairy came to visit. He was so excited that the tooth fairy would come that he couldn't sleep. At 10:30 I checked on him before we went to bed and there he was wide awake. He started to cry that he couldn't fall asleep because the tooth fairy was coming. He knew that he had to be asleep before she comes. =) He did finally fall asleep, and the tooth fairy arrived. Stuffing a $1 bill into the tooth monkey. (Thanks Aunt Jan! It's come in handy already)

He has also begun to play soccer, which he is really pretty good at. Despite scoring on himself a couple of times, he's learning and getting the hang of dribbling, passing, and shooting. Nothing is more funny than watching 28 3-4 year olds follow a soccer ball like a pack of wolves. Emmett accidentally knocked a little girl down, and without breaking stride called over his shoulder "sorry!". If only all sports could be so polite. =)

And lastly, he learned to ride a two-wheeler. His training wheels were so useless that Craig worked to get him riding without them. Three tries on a long straight section of side-walk in front of Lake Michigan is all it took. Now we enjoy bike rides all three of us - no one pulling an extra 50 pounds of kid and equipment behind their bike. We've been to local trails (Emmett calls them bumpy trails) and he's done up to 4 miles. He's a trooper even when he gets tired, although the whining I could do without. (couldn't we all?)

You see why I'm struggling with this sudden onset of growing up? In a flash I foresaw my 10 year old son riding mountain bike trails with his Appa, coming home with a bloody lip from hitting a tree. I could see him actually beating me (for real) in a bike race up a hill. In that same flash, I saw myself seated on the side of a soccer field telling him again, to pay attention to where the ball is. It's so shocking how quickly they learn, how fast they start to grow up. I just want to savor this age a little longer.

At the same time, I'm a proud Omma to be watching him grow up to be a little man. He has his problems, his times where he needs to sit on the time-out chair, don't get me wrong, he's not perfect. But he is my little boy, and when people at soccer turn and ask "Is he yours?" I beam with pride (up until my parents reply, "yes"). Yeah, he's mine - he's my grown up 4 and a half year old.

Happy Memorial Day weekend

Why is it that we Americans see a long holiday as a chance to get done every home project we've been procrastinating on! Case in point - the garage... The dreaded garage - honestly the only thing I like about a garage is that fact that it keeps snow off my car. But it tends to become the dumbing ground of stuff that no longer has a right to live in the house. We have 5 PC monitors out there. Yes 5! But this wasn't about cleaning OUT the garage, but painting it. Which is about as much fun as a root canal with no Novocaine.

Now, I'm virtually covered in blue gray (Sorry James River Gray) paint and sore from my ears to my toes. 2 out of the 4 sides are done, and they're forecasting rain the rest of the weekend. (I'm secretly glad for rain) The other two sides can get done when I'm less sore. Now, it's past 8 and I'm waiting for dinner to finish baking. Not sure if I'll be able to actually get up once the timer goes off, we'll have to wait and see.

Tomorrow... clean out the basement. Ah fun! Can't wait! But really - what better way to spend the long weekend. I mean it's not like the temperature plans to get above 65 any time soon!

Ah the joys of a hike

I've been inspired by Bill Bryson's non-fiction book "A Walk in the Woods". I'm an audio book fan (I have a long commute, remember?), and we bought this one from iTunes for our WI Dells trip. The book is Bryson's entertaining and funny narrative of his attempt to hike the AT or Appalachian Trail. His partner on this adventure is a hilarious fellow who snickers bars and little debbie cakes should suffice for nourishment on this hike. At any rate, I recommend the book if you're into travel/adventure type literature.

Listening to Bryson narrate his book as however, a good side effect. I've regained my desire to hike! Not that I ever really lost my desire, but business, suburbia, and my 4yr old's stride length have certainly had their impact on the love. None-the-less, I had a serious itch for a good solid hike, and that is what I requested for my Mother's Day activity.

Since tomorrow is Mother's Day, and we'll be spending it celebrating MY Mom - we choose today. I requested a park I don't remember having been to (although Craig insists I've been there before!). I, however, did not realize it was a 2.5 hour drive away (ok, more like 3 hrs). Lucky for me, Craig needed a road trip, and Emmett is usually happy to just be going somewhere. So 9am this morning, the whole family piled into the car (including Moby), and off we went.

We did 4 miles (which is quite an accomplishment for a 4yr old). Had perfect weather and got great pictures. A successful trip by all accounts. And as a bonus, we had the clear opportunity to exactly calculate our gas mileage. What a plus!

Here are some of the pictures from our own walk in the woods. It's not the AT, but heck, we couldn't get to the AT in a day!

See the blue lip effect? Lesson learned, never ever buy blue gatoraid. Looks like he's suffering hypothermia!

Ever had anyone ask you if you can touch your tongue to your nose? Moby can! And he carries all his own supplies. And NO that's not a muzzle, it's a gentle leader, it keeps my arm attached to my body while walking the dog.

Craig and Emmett climbed up to that cave. Emmett called it 'like a house'. He thought it was cool!


Heading back - only 1.5 miles to go! Catch up!

How is that comfortable? 4 miles will certainly make one sleepy!
Even Moby took a nap on the drive home!

Oh come on... Really?

I admit, I'm a catalog hound. Genetically inherited from my mother, I relish the delivery of any new catalog. I don't often order anything, but I love to look. It's like recognisance shopping without lifting a muscle.

But I must confess sometimes the products listed in these catalogs are just down right ridiculous.

Exhibit A:
Bottle Pets (imagine a stuffed animal with middle hollowed and the nose of the animal left as a hole, all so that you can jam a bottle in there).
Catalog description: Turn feeding time into cuddle time with a plush bottle cover. Choose from Emma the cow, Left the turtle or Pablo the monkey. Polyester fiber; Infant-safe. Phew I'm sure glad it's infant safe, I couldn't figure out why I'd need the bottle pet for Craig. AND - can the marketing genius on this one get back to me on why you'd want to turn bottle time into cuddle time? I never once heard my parents say "Sure, no problem, play with your toys AND eat!" Is this what you want to teach? I know plenty of new parents who struggle to keep their newborns AWAKE for a feeding!

Exhibit B:
Pee and Poo Dolls - How did the grade-school-aged children of the world get potty trained without these dolls!?!?
Catalog Description: These stuffed toys absolutely reek of fun. But potty humor aside, their friendly personalities and plush exteriors can educate your child about the body, help with potty training and are sure to make everyone laugh.
I didn't realize how very important these dolls were! I mean I need a pee-yellow droplet shaped and poop pile shaped doll in my house. If I'm looking for a laugh for the potty humor - I'm pretty sure I know a few 5-9 year olds who can keep a room snickering for a while. I don't need to spend $38 dollars on them!

Just tell me what parenting has come to that we're looking for every gimmick a company can give us?

On another topic - I'm highly annoyed at my beloved NPR. Heard a great story on my morning commute. It was about the psychological health of adopted versus non-adopted teens. The study was conducted by interviewing and studying about 700 15 yr olds. The study found that both adopted and non-adopted kids were all relatively psychologically healthy. There is however, an "adoption effect" in that adopted children were 2x more likely to have ADHD or ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) than non-adopted kids. Scary thought, right? Study went on to say that this adoption effect was not as much a sign of adoption, but of conditions that were more probable prior to the adoption. I thought the interview was excellently handled with sensitivity and that the researchers were quick to explain that the higher occurrence could not be attributed to the teen's adoptive or non-adoptive status. So much so that I thought I'd find the written article on NPR's site and send it to my social worker. Might be helpful for future adoptive parents. So why am I annoyed? Because the title of the article was "Adopted teens at a higher risk of ADHD" Really? I mean really? That title doesn't give a good idea of the article! It makes it seem as though adoption is the CAUSE of the higher risk of ADHD. Shame on NPR for taking a respectfully honest and well researched study, and giving it an 'eye-catching' if not misleading title. I thought I knew you!

It's all about perspective

It has been tactfully brought to my attention that I'm a slacker. A blogging slacker. It's been 2 whole months (well almost) since I last wrote, and you're all right. I am a slacker!

My excuse is lame, but I'll give it anyway. Right after writing my last post, which was all about work/life balance, Craig was laid off. Well now, don't that change a persons perspective? It's fine to say that I will work to live, and not live to work when you're not looking for a job! But now, I have to admit I look back at that posting, and have to shake my head at my naivety. Oh how perspective changes things...

So that's the major change since my last post. A few highlights of the last couple months. The weekend after my last post, we enjoyed the last sledding of the year. Pics to follow when I get my act together and charge the battery enough to actually post the darn things. Can you believe we got a little sun burn from the day? It was so beautifully warm. Speaking of warmth - did the start of spring get permanently delayed? Cause it was 42 degrees here on May 1. And that is just wrong wrong wrong! I refuse to pull my winter coat out of the closet after April 1st. At least until next October. So I'll probably catch my death running around in a light weight orange trench coat with a polyester cheetah liner! But the coat is SO cute - rarely am I such a slave to fashion. (ok - rarely is a bit strong of a word) But I'm giving winter it's notice - it's got 2 weeks to clear out or... or... well I'll be angry. And we all don't want that!

Mid April we escaped the area and went to WI Dells. Ah the joys of good friends and water parks. Although I did have to give Emmett a T/O for NOT having enough fun. You can imagine the parental moment. "You're going to sit at this picnic table until you decide to have fun!" I know, only my kid would rather go back to the condo than risk getting 1000 gallons of water splashed within 50 years of him. Forget the fact that a loud warning bell sounds for, oh... I don't know... something around 5 minutes before the water is actually dumped. By the end of the three days, he'd come around. To the point that we actually got him on an inner-tube water slide. Shocking, I know! Where are the pictures, you ask? Oh, well, I was a dork and forgot the camera. Yet another thing left for my memory to recall.

Lastly, I cut about 12 inches of my hair off to give to Locks of Love. So drastic was the change that co workers walked right by me without noticing it was me. (Now THAT's a reaction). I've enjoyed it being shorter (nothing like holding a baby, and not worrying that she'll get a chunk of hair and DNA in her little fist), but I think I'm having phantom sensations. Sometimes, for example, when I'm at work, I swear I feel my hair on my shoulders and I still try to lift my hair out of my coat. It's as if I've lost a limb! I like the shorter cut, although I wish that I could do my hair like my stylist! Maybe if I had a detachable head, I could make it work, but I can't figure out how I'd make my arms function and see the back of my head if my head were not connected. Disturbing, I know - but hey - you're all the ones on my case for not blogging in a while. THIS is what you get!

Oh, and a big, strawberry filled CONGRATULATIONS to the B&J twins. Talk about perspective! A year and a half ago, I was on my knees that they'd survive being born way way way too early. Today, seeing them on the anniversary of their homecoming, chowing down on strawberries, giving big bright grins, and cooing to anyone who'd listen, I realized that this perspective is what I need. From this perspective, these little boys have jumped leaps and bounds ahead of where they've been. They're survivors, they've experienced a real fight for their lives, which makes things like hair cuts and joblessness seem trivial. They are special little boys regardless of your perspective, but from my perspective they're two little miracles with tireless parents (at least they fake it like it's tireless) and all the spunk they can fit into their little bodies. I've seen my friend become an amazing, awe inspiring mom, who knows what her kids need, and will get it - through persistence alone! Whatever the growth charts say - they're 100% above average in stamina, way over standard on cuteness, and off the charts on loved. Congrats again!

So from whatever your perspective is to my first post in two months - whether you call me a slacker - or too busy to write, enjoy! Who knows when I'll post again. ;)

Work to Live or Live to Work?

I recently was told by a coworker in India that we Americans live to work, while they work to live, and that is why some things don't exactly get done on time. I've heard this phrase several times in reference to Americans, and only recently have I let it really sink into my consciousness.

I read an article in "O" magazine about the dangers of saying 'No' in the workplace. As working woman, we often have to juggle our careers, our family life, and the guilt of not balancing both in manner we'd like. The article described a few very successful women who were at the top of their careers. Respected women, who use their influence to not only break the glass ceiling, but shatter it completely. However, every one of them admitted to missing a few too many soccer games, and being late for parent/teacher conferences. Even getting the dreaded blackberry buzz in the middle of your 1st graders dance recital. These women cautioned up-and-coming career women on saying "no". Sure, say 'No' now, but later, you might not get the opportunities you have now. Don't work the weekend, don't move across the country for that promotion, don't spend 6 months in India training new employees. You say 'No' now, and later, when you'd like to say 'yes' to that perfect job, you're not even asked.

I suppose it's a risk we take, and I'm coming to the realization that it's a risk I want to take. This might be because my career has never been a passion. Yes, I often give 150% of myself to my job, but more out of a sense of duty than love. Or possibly competition - I like being really good at what I do. Even if I don't like what I do. My job affords well... hot chocolate! =) So do I live to work? or work to live?

I think this is the test - if I suddenly became fabulously and outrageously rich, would I still work? Probably in some capacity, yes. I'd get too bored! Plus, who wants to do the laundry if you've got enough money to hire someone for that! So if I was wealthy enough not work, I'd probably still want to work in some manner. I'd probably take on something more flexible, less stressful. Maybe volunteer with a local charity. Or just work at Starbucks in the afternoons! No matter what I found to do - I'd rather not do laundry!

Of course, that's just dreaming...it is unlikely I will suddenly become fabulously and outrageously rich. I don't even play the lottery. So until I find a career that I love and have a real passion for, I suppose I continue to work to live. Maybe I'll be faced with a tough decision to choose the career I would adore and miss out on family time, or stick with this career and have a little more freedom (when I force myself to take it). But until then... here's to working to live!

Yep! I'm ready...if only I can survive!

What would the week before I get a girl's weekend be without trips to the ER and facial trauma? Really - I'm not sure what I would do without those things to make a weekend away all that much more welcome.

Yes, I'm the sucker who took her 7yr old dog to the ER because he was constipated. Although the symptoms did not seem like constipation - more like bloat - but I love the beast, and we were worried this was it. Of course when I arrived at the Vet ER, Moby pulling (I mean leading) the way, he acted fine. Mellow - but fine. He was my mellow yellow lab. One Xray and another hit to the checking account later we had no more answers and I had him back in the car on the way home. Never mind that it was 1:45AM by then. I was a late-night person when I was in college. That was only how many years ago? Great - now I feel old AND tired.

The facial trauma, you ask? I'm probably being more dramatic than necessary, but Emmett is definitely taking after his Appa! (remember this post?) While running up the stairs at church he hits the only stair in the entire house with one of those metal strips. Only he hits it with his face! Craig handled the situation well - until he noticed one of Emmett's front teeth had been pushed back a bit. Then he called me out of worship practice for consult. There was debate over stitches, but it was decided that we would ice it and calm him down, then see if the tooth was loose. It wasn't loose when I finally got him still enough to try and wiggle it. And I don't think the gash in his gums is deep. More blunt-force trauma than all out cut. So now, my dear child has a franken-smile and one really cute lisp (the tooth causes a lisp now). It is healing well, so I think we're out of the woods.

We did consider calling the familial RN on vacation in AZ - however, we didn't want her to jump on a plane and fly home to shower Emmett with toys. He's fine, Mom, really. =)

So, now I'm ready to go on my girls weekend, if only we can survive the rest of the week. Keep your fingers crossed!

BTW - Any adoptive parents out there who finalized in 2007 and are now looking at completing your 2007 tax returns. Check to see if your state gives tax credits as well as the federal gov. Gotta recoup that cost somewhere!

(consult your tax advisor as I am not a tax specialist, just an adoptive mom who does her taxes early!).

A Gotta See Movie!

I know "Juno" has been out in theaters for quite some time, but I finally got around to seeing the movie today. My dear husband (who, btw - is awesome!) let me sneak out of the house and go see the movie this afternoon.

Juno had received very high marks in adoption circles for portraying adoption in a positive light. I'd received emails recommending it to adoptive and pre-adoptive parents and knew that eventually I'd see it. I wasn't expecting, however, how profoundly affected I would be by the movie. I anticipated a sickly-sweet idyllic idea of adoption as the best thing ever! What I was surprised about is the movie's honesty in portraying both sides of the adoption coin.

*******Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert****************

Obviously I closely identified with the pre-adoptive mother, Vanessa, played by Jennifer Garner. There is a scene where Vanessa and her husband Mark stand in the nursery planning paint colors for the walls. She remarks about reading expectant mother books and adoption books. This scene hit so close to home (except for the paint colors). Having the cautious-excited anticipation of adoption, but also the fear of everything set before you. I'm sure that pregnant women also have similar feelings, but the connection which is inherit with pregnancy is absent for us adoptive moms. We only know our children when they become real little people. And there is always a certain amount of worry that something will go wrong - it's not really going to happen.

I think few people can identify with the sick-to-my-stomach fear and anticipation of waiting to meet your child. I remember the Seoul subway train, pacing and humming to myself in hopes of calming down. It felt like the whole train knew what we were going to do, and yet no one in the world had been here. The thoughts of "I can't believe it's happening" and "Here we are, at the moment in time that I have imagined in my mind for years." I really did feel like I was going to hurl - I was so nervous, and Jennifer Garner hit her performance perfectly in portraying the pre-adoptive mom. Wanting to be polite and perfect, to be exactly what everyone expects from the perfect future mom. I think my favorite part of the movie is at the end. Vanessa is holding her adopted child for the first time in the hospital nursery, and she asks "How do I look?" and the response is "Like a new mom, scared poopless" **Edited for content*** I know that first day, those first few weeks, I must have looked like a dear in headlights. In fact, I look back at pictures taken of our first meeting with Emmett, and have to laugh a little at the look in my eyes. Only I know what I was thinking at that moment - "Does this mean I'm really a Mom?"

More than the quirkiness of the title character Juno endears me to her. Seeing her emotion after delivering her child brought tears to my years. Rarely do movies so honestly show us the harsh beauty of adoption. The joyful pain, the inexpressible dichotomy of adoption. One woman's heartbreak is an other's long-dreamt wish come true.

If you want to know something of what adoption feels like - watch Juno. It gives the flavor of what it means to bring adoption into ones life.

Procrastinator...

Got to make this quick before I run out and vote. Yes, primary is today - and again, I'm the procrastinator. This morning..."Wait, what ward are we? Do we still vote at that place down the street? Whose in the mayoral race?, what are the city issues? Can I just vote for whomever will fix the potholes on my street?" Oh yeah, and the presidential race. No endorcements here - sorry to disappoint. It's been one of those weird presidential seasons. At least for me. I think I've taken every internet "Who to vote for" quiz that exists. And each one tells me to vote for someone else.

So off to do my civic duty.

Ok, I give up

I'm done, I quit, I need help. Maybe there is a twelve step program, but I've hit rock bottom. If only I could see it through the snow!

I'm so very done!

Done with the shovel, done with the salt, done with my pant legs looking like I attempted to acid wash just the back ankles. I'm done with 3 hour long drives home where all the plows forgot to actually lower the plow! I'm done with leaving work early to be sure and save the aforementioned 3 hours to pick up Emmett from daycare.

I'm done with snow days, and snow boots, I'm done with weather forcasts which promise a 'dusting' of snow. Excuse me, but since when did a 'dusting' mean 6 inches!?!? I'm done with my windshield wipers freezing over. I'm done with my fingers freezing over! I'm done having a great hair day ruined by the need for a hat! I'm done making snow people, I'm done with snowball fights. I'm done with the plow covering my driveway 10 minutes after I just finished shoveling it. I'm done with the 5 ft piles of snow outside my house, and I'm done reliving the blizzard of my wedding!

So, I'm done. I quit - I'd like to sign up for the warm-weather-recovery program. I'd like to request a room with a view of a beach & palm trees, something sunny, maybe above 50 degrees (yes, I'd even take 50 degrees!). I'm done liking the Midwest.

That's just it, we're the Midwest - ya see we don't have the mountains of the west to really enjoy snow. I don't ski (probably kill myself), I don't snowboard (even more dangerous with my ungraceful talents!). We're simply the Midwest, where we get to enjoy snow, sleet, slush, tornados in January, thunderstorms, floods, throw in the dreaded New Madrid earthquake which has been predicted for years, and you too would love it here!

I'm sure next fall when the leaves turn brillant shades of orange, I'll love my good ole Midwest again - but for today...

I QUIT!

A few good movies

I get into these real movie kicks, where I'll watch several DVDs in a few weeks. Recently I've been experiencing just such a kick. This month, I've watched Charlie Wilson's War, 3:10 to Yuma, Stardust, Because I Said So, Once, The Holiday, Breach, and Ocean's Thirteen. That doesn't include the countless hours of "Bob the Builder" or "Veggie tales". I don't particularly think they count. Maybe one day I'll blog up a storm on the best kids DVDs, but today, I'm too Fraggle Rock'd out.

Out of the above list, I really must say my favorites have been (in no particular order) 3:10 to Yuma, Stardust, Once, and The Holiday. Now, I realize that list sounds very 'chick-flick-centric', and I must explain that I am not a chick-flick exclusive gal. I love The Lord of The Rings trilogy, The Bourne series and several other high-action, high impact movies. I just haven't seen many that have made this top list this past month. Breach, was good, but the actor Chris Cooper just kept freaking me out in how much he reminded me of my Dad in the 80s. Really, I think he studied my father on how to move, sound, comb his hair, wear a suit. I seriously could not enjoy the movie because he just reminded me of my Dad too much! BTW - my father has never (to my knowledge) been an FBI agent, nor has he been a CIA agent, or in anyway worked for the government, or, for that matter, spied on the United States for Russia. (great, now I probably have some poor schmuck in the FBI flagging my blog as anti-American or something). Haven't you had that happen though? An actor plays his character just like some real person you know? Syndrome from the Incredibles? He reminds me completely of my cousin Chris. Chris Cooper as Robert Hansen in 'Breach'? Identical twin to my father in the 1980s. WEIRD folks, just weird.

Anyway...I really must recommend that everyone see the movie 'Once'. It was released last year (limited release), and is a modern day musical. Now wait - come back, finish reading the blog! There is no dancing, no knife fights, and very little of the actual storyline is sung. So really, watch it, Craig even liked it. And just about anyone can tell you that he hates musicals. (passionately, really. Maybe, I should make him watch a musical every time he watches sports center. Could be an even trade there. And I'm sure I could get a negative association going and make him gag every time he hears he Sports Center theme.) Another surprise hit for me was The Holiday. Now, I realize that it got a 47% rating on Rotten Tomatoes (my movie review website of choice), but I liked it. Yes, it's a feel-good chick flick. But I love sweet things, so this movie hit my 'clean and sweet' streak just right.

So that's the movie list for now - I still have several to see this month before I'll be satisfied that I've watched enough movies to turn my brain to mush. I figure since Emmett has pink-eye (seems to be an annual thing), I'll need any type of entertainment once he's in bed. =)

Giggles and eskimo kisses

No matter how rotten my day has been, or how annoyed I am to be working late yet again, there is always something sweet about hearing Emmett giggle. There are the little giggles which are almost a tease. They're the kind which announce that he'd like to giggle more, but needs the motivation. There are the fake giggles which he likes to make when he thinks that something you said should be funny, but isn't really sure he understands what you've said. And then there are the belly-laugh giggles. Which are the best. They're most often heard during a particularly good tickle session, or if we're playing a funny game. So as I hear the giggles from upstairs, it dulls the fact that I have to work late (again).

Sometime early in my relationship with Emmett I taught him Eskimo kisses. All adoption professionals and adoption materials talk a great deal about attachment and how to foster attachment. Many of the techniques which were described in some of the adoption literature we read was very baby-specific. An example was "holding time" - where the adoptive parent spends several minutes (up around 30+) holding the child. This is to help connect with the child, some infants might fuss about being held, but the idea is to foster attachment through touch. Well, an infant can be held, even a fussy one can be held cause they're small! A 3yr old does not want to be held!They're just too active! It's the nature of a 3yr old. So I taught Emmett Eskimo kisses as an attachment activity.

For those not familar with Eskimo kisses wikipedia actually defines it: Eskimo Kisses I'm a little disturbed that it's made fun of as a stereotypically 'white' gesture. But that's another blog for another day. Our form of eskimo kissing also includes the words "uggha-mugga" being said - but wikipedia says nothing of uggha-mugga, and I haven't a clue what it means. =)

Since I became the main 'dropper' for daycare, Emmett and I have been sharing Eskimo kisses when I leave. And it's one of my favorite goodbye traditions.

Folks say it's the little things that make parenting great - and I'd have to agree that giggles and eskimo kisses make everything so very worthwhile.

A few past due pics...

He's not too young for chores, right?










































Christmas Morning...
GEOTRAX GRAND CENTRAL STATION!! OMMA, I'VE BEEN WANTING THAT! Like I hadn't noticed!?!















New Monkey! Serious (No, Omma, Curious) George.

TGIF and other stuff

I signed up with facebook a few months ago after my sis-in-law sent me an invite. I thought for certain I'd be about the only person my age on. But I was pleasantly surprised to find many college friends, and church friends on the site as well. I posted a link to the blog on my profile because I didn't think I'd be on facebook as much as I blogged. Interestingly enough, several friends have commented about the blog and they're own interests in adoption. I never realized how many of my friends were interested in adoption. It's a wonderful thing to hear, especially since it's so close to my heart.

I'm not sure I've mentioned that Emmett started a new daycare this month. We loved the former daycare and were so sad to leave, but the commute was making my usually happy little kid - a exhausted little nightmare! So we made the decision to switch to one closer to home. Now, the 10 minute drive is perfect, even though I'm less than excited with the new daycare. It's a little less structure than I'd prefer, and a few more 'movie days' than I'd like. But he's being well cared for. He's in preschool three days a week, and those days are either up or down. Twice this week he flipped at me leaving him. Just when I was thinking we'd be ok. Ugh

I got a message on my work voicemail from the old daycare. They had a pile of Emmett's stuff, crafts, etc and a card from his friends (i.e. classmates). I stopped by on the way home one day to pick it up, and sat in the parking lot close to tears after reading the card from his friends and teachers. He was so well loved there! His little love triangle between Sidney and Reagan was now broken. Reagan wrote (well the teacher wrote, but Reagan said) "I love you, I love you again, I love you again." Sidney said "I love you, Emmett". And Emmett's best bud Ian said "I'll miss you very much, cause you were my friend". Aw - even makes me tear up now!

So a new chapter of less commuting and more home-time has begun, and I'm sure the adjustment of everything is why I'm seeing a few new sides to Emmett. I remind myself that he's only 4, and in attachment, he's only one and a half. But boy, and I glad to say TGIF! Now I can enter the weekend, where I'm sure we'll all freeze our buns off if we leave the house! Oh well, it's winter and as Emmett says "I not like winter so much, Omma". Me neither kid, me neither!

Husband/Team mate - whatever!

Emmett: "Omma, are you and Appa getting married?"
Me: "We already are married"
Emmett: prerequisite to every converstaion "Why?"
Me: "Because Appa and I love each other a lot and one day we decided to live together forever, so we got married. That's what people who love each other a lot and want to live together forever. It's like becoming a team. Appa and I are a team now"
Emmett: "I want Ryan on my team, cause he's fast. Or maybe Ian, he's almost as fast as me"
Me: "It's not a competitive team, honey. It's a team that shares things, like chores and parenting and stuff"
Emmett: "But Appa's the only one who does the dishes, you don't share that"
Me: "Yes, you're right we don't share that cause Appa and I have an arrangement for dishes. I cook, he does the dishes"
Emmett: "I don't think I'll get married, then I'd have to share all my toys"
Me: "Well, maybe your toys won't be that important to you when it's time for you to get married. One day you might find a nice girl to love and marry, and you won't mind sharing"
Emmett: "I don't think so"
Me: "Well, let's just wait and see. You have plenty of time"
Emmett: "I think so"

Nine Years, 4 residences, two bunnies and one big dog

Nine years ago today, in the midst of the 2nd worst blizzard in Chicago history, I married the man I love. I'm not one to get sappy (usually), I mean, I don't cry at movies, unless they're really sad, (Shindler's List & Rwanda are really sad folks!), so I can write that first line and not feel sappy. Then again, maybe I'm just defending my sappiness with this long diatribe about my non-sappiness. Ugh, this is not about my sappiness... onward to the point (yes, I have one!).

I remember the night before my wedding, staying in my hotel room with Jennie, the best maid of honor a girl could have, praying that by some miracle the massive blizzard which was stalled over my wedding day would move - anywhere but Chicago! Now I look back and have to laugh - I remember laughing even the day of my wedding. What could I do? It was a blizzard, and heck if that was about to stop me! My personal attendant, Lisa, all 5'1 of her trooped through a field of snow (literally) to get to the church and unlock it, turn the furnace way up, and get the lights on. Our groomsmen were conscripted into emergency car re-arranging so the plow could get the lot cleared. The pastor got stuck in a ditch and was rescued by my father-in-law, and my future grandmother-in-law trucked from a far north suburb to bring me my cake. It was a Herculean effort, and by job - we did it, despite the 22 inches of snow. We got married.

Nevermind that half of my friends from college were stuck only a few suburbs away unable to leave their driveways, and my grandfather couldn't come because of the snow. Nevermind that at one point my father-in-law pulled my husband aside and suggested that if we wanted a honeymoon, we should leave now. =) Ah the memories! Big fat snowflakes, and my big white dress (wow - would I do THAT over!), it seemed fitting. Instead of my 'big fat greek wedding' I had a "Big Fat Blizzard wedding". Still had the same humor! I'm proud to say, that I actually didn't freak out. I was fairly calm (right girls?). Again, what could I do, but hope that the people most necessary for the wedding would arrive. =)

So nine years later, Craig and I have lived in 4 different apartments/houses. Owned 3 pets (two rabbits and one big dog), and have owned more vehicles than nine years should warrant. We've argued over who would do the dishes, and my shoe collection.But all in all - we've had it pretty good.

I'm not sure that I would have imagined myself in this place nine years ago, when the thought of marriage was still more like a dream. We've changed, we've grown up - in some senses a lot, in other's I still feel like a kid. But I think we've changed together, and grown together, to the point that the only one I want to come home to is Craig.

So as I look outside and see the snow blowing up the driveway to drift onto the garage door, I can't help but thank God for my big fat blizzard wedding, and the man I married that day.

Happy Anniversary - Sweetheart, I love you. ;)

Happy New Year

Ah, another year gone by. Surprising to think this is only Emmett's second New Year in the States. Harder to believe he's only been home one year and 4 months. How much has changed.

I think that was my theme for 2007, how much has changed. Emmett has grown in his English, his attachment and physically (darn those pants are too small already!). We had our first big family vacation - which is definately a different experience with kids. Emmett has left his first day care/ preschool, to begin a new one. And we've finally painted another room in the house aside from Emmett's room. Oh how much has changed.

But then I think of how much has stayed the same. We're still attending Heritage Chapel, Craig and I celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary tomorrow. And the dog still won't sleep somewhere other than on my legs. So I suppose some things never change.

I'm not one for resolutions. I suppose I like the idea of not setting any so you're not disappointed when they don't occur. I know that's cynical, but sometimes the energy just to make it through the week is all I have. I have some goals around the Tri, and bloggin more consistetnly, but don't hold me to them!

Now, as I look out the window of our newly painted office/guest room to the several inches of fresh snow which blanket our driveway (nice view, huh?), I can only imagine my CA cousins in sweatshirts alone out and about LA. BTW - Go Illini!

For those of you who might not have gotten the Christmas newsletter, here it is below.

Once upon a time in the land of Marckese
Lived a family that was just a bit crazy.
Our year started quiet, asleep on the floor
Of the little one’s room, oh dear what a chore.
The year it went on, and oh what a fuss
We made over Emmett’s favorite Yellow Bus.

Down we’ve traveled this long twisting road.
From Korea a child God alone has bestowed.
And finally it came the day of great joy
Adoption it’s final – he’s our little boy.

And off we went in one great hurry
Lake Tahoe reunion, oh but there’s a worry.
The fires they got just a bit close,
Four miles from the house, I suppose.
So off we went, full family in tow
To stay for the nights, on Marriot row.

And back we came to ole Moby’s lair
Where flopping and drooling is only just fair.
One hundred and twelve, I exclaimed to the vet
Where was my small puppy long ago I had met.

Way down on the farm, our boy turned four
Surrounded friends, “Omma, just a few a more.”
“So can I go out and ride my new big bike?”
“I guess, you’re no longer my little tyke”

So here we are this year at an end.
And we’ve had it quiet good in all, my friend
We thank our dear Lord for our good blessing
Of friends and sweet family, to this we’re addressing

By the lit tree, we wait for His birth
Remembering His coming to our lowly earth
To save us of sins we could not attone
Without the cross, his sacrifice alone.

We bid you good tidings and joy through this season
This rhyme was created, for just such this reason
Jen tried with all earnest, determination and might.
To all Merry Christmas and God Bless you this Night.

Happy New Year!