A Gotta See Movie!

I know "Juno" has been out in theaters for quite some time, but I finally got around to seeing the movie today. My dear husband (who, btw - is awesome!) let me sneak out of the house and go see the movie this afternoon.

Juno had received very high marks in adoption circles for portraying adoption in a positive light. I'd received emails recommending it to adoptive and pre-adoptive parents and knew that eventually I'd see it. I wasn't expecting, however, how profoundly affected I would be by the movie. I anticipated a sickly-sweet idyllic idea of adoption as the best thing ever! What I was surprised about is the movie's honesty in portraying both sides of the adoption coin.

*******Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert****************

Obviously I closely identified with the pre-adoptive mother, Vanessa, played by Jennifer Garner. There is a scene where Vanessa and her husband Mark stand in the nursery planning paint colors for the walls. She remarks about reading expectant mother books and adoption books. This scene hit so close to home (except for the paint colors). Having the cautious-excited anticipation of adoption, but also the fear of everything set before you. I'm sure that pregnant women also have similar feelings, but the connection which is inherit with pregnancy is absent for us adoptive moms. We only know our children when they become real little people. And there is always a certain amount of worry that something will go wrong - it's not really going to happen.

I think few people can identify with the sick-to-my-stomach fear and anticipation of waiting to meet your child. I remember the Seoul subway train, pacing and humming to myself in hopes of calming down. It felt like the whole train knew what we were going to do, and yet no one in the world had been here. The thoughts of "I can't believe it's happening" and "Here we are, at the moment in time that I have imagined in my mind for years." I really did feel like I was going to hurl - I was so nervous, and Jennifer Garner hit her performance perfectly in portraying the pre-adoptive mom. Wanting to be polite and perfect, to be exactly what everyone expects from the perfect future mom. I think my favorite part of the movie is at the end. Vanessa is holding her adopted child for the first time in the hospital nursery, and she asks "How do I look?" and the response is "Like a new mom, scared poopless" **Edited for content*** I know that first day, those first few weeks, I must have looked like a dear in headlights. In fact, I look back at pictures taken of our first meeting with Emmett, and have to laugh a little at the look in my eyes. Only I know what I was thinking at that moment - "Does this mean I'm really a Mom?"

More than the quirkiness of the title character Juno endears me to her. Seeing her emotion after delivering her child brought tears to my years. Rarely do movies so honestly show us the harsh beauty of adoption. The joyful pain, the inexpressible dichotomy of adoption. One woman's heartbreak is an other's long-dreamt wish come true.

If you want to know something of what adoption feels like - watch Juno. It gives the flavor of what it means to bring adoption into ones life.