All by myself

Tomorrow, I parent all by myself. Craig returns to work. I stay home. Again, I think - Holy Cow, what have I done??

Not that I want to return to work anytime soon (sorry guys!). It's the prospect of 10+ hours of parenting all by myself that frightens me. All my experienced parent friends tell me that my feelings of apprehension are normal, considering I've jumped into the toddler parenting sea with no life jacket and the responsibility of a lifetime like an anchor tied to my leg. (So, maybe I'm being a little dramatic, just go with me). I remind myself that I've learned how to do laundry, prepare a meal, blow someone else's nose, and keep the dog from eating the kleenex all at the same time. Just like Emmett can now confidently say "apple".

Tonight as my little guy fell asleep in his big boy bed, his little face all relaxed and content, I had to thank God for the gift that he's given me in Emmett. Reality continues to confirm my belief that Emmett was chosen to be our son by God. Not randomly by a committee at Holt, not by group of people here on earth, but almost 3 years ago, when Emmett's birth mother was feeling the pains of labor, God decided that Emmett would become our son.

I think back to what I was doing in October of 2003. We had just moved into this house a few months earlier. We hadn't really given adoption much more thought than "One day, let's adopt". Meanwhile thousands of miles away Emmett's birth mother was giving life to my son. Later she would make one of the hardest (if not the hardest) decision of her life. To wish for her son a better life than she could provide. I don't know that I would be so brave as her.

I pray for her when I lie on the floor in Emmett's room while he falls asleep. I pray that God would give her peace that Emmett is safe and loved. That he's happy here and is being spoiled by everyone he meets. I pray that despite the circumstances that have brought both of us to be this little boy's mother, that she might feel God's plan in it. And rest assured that what He has begun, He will bring to completion.

Where ever you are this Monday in Korea, birth mother, know that your son is loved. By his adoptive parents, his adoptive community, and most importantly - by his Creator.

Sorry to turn so heavy tonight - guess all of that is what I needed to get out of my head.