v1.?

It's strange the things you think about as you're trying to fall asleep. In my mind I remembered seeing a set of T-shirts while shopping several weeks ago. They were meant as a father/son matching kind of thing. The Dad's said "v1.0" and the son's said "v2.0". For some reason, that struck me today, just how meaningful that analogy is.

As I struggle to relinquish the joys of couplehood, and embrace the joys of motherhood, I remind myself that this is a new phase in both my & Emmett's lives. That's what made me think of the T-shirts. I know that the T-shirts are a joke (I honestly don't take everything this literally, really!). But I think they should be more specific. If a child is 2.0, then how can the parent still be 1.0? How many 'upgrades' have we undergone over our lifetimes?

I think honestly you can categorize a few stages of life into software upgrades and patches (can you tell I'm really a PC gal?).

v1.0 - Infancy:
-Basic functionality includes (but is not limited to); eating, sleeping, crawling, rolling, messing diapers, crying, smiling, and cooing.
-Known problems: Sleep program requires frequent midnight maintenance. Possible patch will be included in next upgrade.
-Next scheduled upgrade = Childhood approach 12 mos from v1.0.

v1.1 - Childhood:
Basic functionality includes (but is not limited to); builds upon v1.0 functionality, adds new tricks and games such as; walking, running, talking, playing coordinated games.
- Known problems: whinnying virus has been known to corrupt Talking program. Tantrum virus has been known to completely shut down system. Attempt to reboot if this occurs.
- Patches included: Sleep program has improved so that maintenance can be performed mid-day instead of during nighttime. Also, diaper operating system can be phased out with the use of the potty training application. Beware that installing the potty training application may take time, and frequent malfunctions are to be expected while the application is being loaded.
-Next scheduled upgrade = Student approach 4 to 5 years following installation of Childhood.

v1.2 - Student:
-Basic functionality includes (but is not limited to); riding bus, homework, reading, writing, math skills, comprehension, social studies, science, organized sports, musical lessons. Later versions of the Student upgrade include, late night studying, essay tests, and paper writing.
-Known problems: The following viruses are known to attack this upgrade; High Phone Bill virus which can cause headaches to user, Constant fundraising virus which can also cause headaches to user, Boyfriend and Girlfriend worms may be harmful to all other applications - these worms should be watched closely.
Patches included: Sleep program no longer needs maintenance. Potty training application is no longer necessary.
- FOR YOUR INFORMATION - the program College is sold separately.
Next scheduled upgrade = Adult approach 16 years following installation of Student. Be forewarned that Adult upgrade will not automatically run.

v1.3 - Adult:
-Basic functionality includes (but is not limited to); maintaining steady job, moving out of home, search for significant other, and paying bills.
-Known problems: Viruses known to attack are Debt, Over zealous partying, Job Hopping, and Forget Rent all of which may cause operating system to revert back to v1.2 without the many of the v1.2 programs functioning properly.
- Patches included: All known problems from v1.2 have been corrected.
Next scheduled upgrade = Retiree


v1.4 - Spouse: (this upgrade is optional)
- Basic functionality includes (but is not limited to); sharing everything, companionship, friendship, affection, and love
-Known problems: Anger and Fighting are both viruses which can be harmful to Spouse.
Next scheduled upgrade = Retiree

v1.5 - Parent: (this upgrade is optional) primary function of v1.5 is to facilitate the running of v2.0.
- Basic functionality includes (but is not limited to); Multi-tasking, Car Sounds, Kid songs, sesame Street, Toy Assembly, First Aid Administrator,
-Known problems: Problems with v1.1 & 1.2's can cause Sleep program to be interrupted, can also cause Elmo Overload virus to shut down Rational Thought program.

v1.6 - Retiree:
- Basic functionality includes (but is not limited to); Senior Discount Hunt, Slow driving, Mid-day Napping, Dinner at 2PM, Spoiling Little Children, Grandparent.
- Known problems: Sleep program requires maintenance every few hours, Eating program requires Teeth maintenance to be running in order to function properly, Boredom virus can cause problems if left unchecked.

With every new generation, we are on a new release.

So with these six versions, I think I can safely say I'm installing at least v1.5 While Emmett is on v2.1, but I guess that's all hard to explain on a T-shirt. Oh well!